To effectively learn how to listen to people you must first develop skills at actively listening. I came across a wonderful way to illustrate this message from the authors (Abacal, L. Brucato, D. Brucato, & Stephenson) in their book: Essential Elements for Effectiveness. Here is a exert from the book: In Messages: The Communication Skills Book the authors (Mckay, Davis & Fanning) point out that true listening requires that you have at least one of the four following intentions in mind.
1. To understand someone.
2. To enjoy someone.
3. To learn something.
4. To give help or solace.
Be very careful to pay close attention to what the person is telling you if you truly have even the slightest bit of interest in understanding the person. It is very detrimental that you understand what the other person is thinking or feeling, before you have your own question or situation that you need addressed.
Do you listen with what is termed Pseudo listening, or do you listen actively. Your very answer to the question will determine your listening ability. When you understand how you actually listen versus what you think is your level of skill in listening to people and being able to understand them you can begin to correct your listening weakness.
When you pretend to listen to someone you are doing them and yourself a great disservice. People and I included have adopted the act of appearing to be interested or actually listening so that we are being polite and so as to not hurt the persons feelings. Let me be the first to tell you that you don’t have to be what I like to call the listening slave.
You must learn to really listen and then determine how you can help the person who is so obviously asking for your help. You must learn that if you seek to be understood on whatever comment you are making or situation that you are facing, you must first seek to do that in which you would like done in the same respect.
Are you the chronic interrupter? Use this question as a gift and a blessing from me to you. The more you learn and seek to understand who you really are instead of just trying to conform to what people want you to be you develop a relationship with the popular quote (just me, myself, and I). It is of great love and understanding that you must understand or be willing to learn to understand yourself.
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Wishing YOU All the Best
Sincerely,
Tabitha Variance
“Be A Mentor With A Servant’s Heart”
